I had become so fixated on an unattainable goal with my photography, it was causing a paralysis in me wanting to take any other type of photo. Whist there is nothing wrong with wanting to focus on a particular style of photography (or any creative pursuit), if it is not necessarily impossible but at least incredibly difficult to create what you have visualised in your mind, it is easy to become frustrated when you are unable to achieve what you wanted.
Particularly as an amateur photographer who used to enjoy the process of picking up the camera as much as the end result, I no longer wished to take a photo if it wasn’t going to achieve a very particular aesthetic. This frustration had caused me to stop seeing the world around me and its potential. The ability to switch from looking at the world to seeing it had been completely lost. As a relatively inexperienced photographer (I believe you can take photos for many years and still be inexperienced), the art of seeing is a vital first step in developing the ability to finding photographic opportunities.
I would even go as far as to say that I had stopped looking, shutting out any possibility of experiencing the world around me and satiating a desire to create something that was still bubbling under the surface. I mused over other creative outlets but struggled to find anything that could potentially achieve the same level of creative satisfaction as photography did.
Just over a week ago I realised (call it an epiphany if you wish) it was only up to me start seeing the world around me, to find the opportunities it presents and to let go of the impossible (at least for now). I have allowed myself to start seeing again and find inspiration in everything around me.